After school we go get Myffy from my Mom's where Stew dropped her off so we can eat a quick dinner before Music Together Class at 5pm. Lu was pretty tired by 5pm. I think she expended a lot of energy crying after hurting her face. She wanted to bring Jesse, Bullseye and Rex from Toy Story all in with her to the class. Normally we don't let her take any of her toys into class with her, but it had been a rough day, so I let her take Jesse. Melt down in the parking lot over not getting Bullseye. We go into the classroom and I see several unfamiliar faces who must be doing make-up classes from one of the other sections. I'm struggling with the diaper bag and Lu (still unhappy) and Myffy clinging onto my knee, trying to get all of our shoes off when Lu lunges forward, I'm trying to hold onto her but she goes down with her hands out in front of her and me holding onto her middle. I hear one of the moms I've never seen before loudly say "No wonder she's all scratched up." I look up into a face that clearly thinks I am a child abuser. I'd like to defend myself, but the class is starting and I'm still juggling everything trying to get shoes off and sit down in the circle. I let the comment go, but seethe inside. I'm well aware she has no idea what my life is like everyday. Part of me wants to tell her, but who has the time or the energy? And what good would it do anyway? I'd look crazy and defensive and would probably just further cement her already poor opinion of me.
Usually both Myffy and Lu love music class. Usually they both dance around, act goofy, sometimes even interact with the other kids (mostly Myffy), but today it just wasn't happening. Both wanted to be no where but on my lap for most of it, and after a few songs Lu fell solidly asleep. Again I see the suspicious mom eyeing me warily. My daughter with the swollen and bruised eye has passed out on my lap. Even some of the other parents are looking at me strangely. The music is blaring. Kids are banging on drums and shaking maracas and Lu is sleeping through it all. They probably think she has head trauma or something. Am I being paranoid? Am I just imagining it? Part of me just wants to get up and leave, but Myffy is finally enjoying herself, and she gets so little social time that I hate to take her away. I'm also exhausted and just want to sit there cradling Lu in my arms for a few minutes more. As the 'Goodbye, so long, farewell my friend' song comes on I rouse myself to get all our shoes back on to make a quick get away. I suppose I could have stayed and tried to loudly explain to the new parents that Tallulah is autistic and had an accident at school, but honestly, do I really care what they think? Ok, yes I do. Obviously I do. None of this would bother me if I didn't care, right? Of course I want people to think I'm a good parent, trying hard and doing my best. I guess the real question is do I have the energy to expend on this? No, I do not.
So we pack up and leave, feeling a bit beaten down, tail between my legs, defeated. The car next to me parked too close for me to get Myffy into her car seat. I hate it when people do that. Maybe they don't have kids and don't think about it. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. At least Lu is happy to finally have all of her Toy Story toys back. I start the car. Put on NPR. Start to relax.
The kids have been bathed and are very sweetly asleep now. It's rare I can get them both down so easily and so close to the same time. I should probably go get some sleep myself now. I just felt a bit keyed up and needed to write it out. So there it is. Poor Lu. Her face must have hurt quite a bit all day. Hopefully it will be better in the morning. I think I'll make that my mantra for now. Hopefully it will be better in the morning.